I’ve shared a bit about being a sex addict and what it’s like in one of my recent YouTube videos, What is Sex Addition Like? So I wanted to give out the 5 signs you’re with a sex addict because it’s something that’s very damaging and destroying.
I mean, it’s going to fuck up your relationship. It’s going to fuck up your head. It will put you into depression. It can ruin marriages, and that’s the reality of it.
Just like with any addiction, we’re not going to admit we have a problem. We’re going to brush it off. We’re going to come up with excuses for why this isn’t a problem. That’s how we addicts work. These are the 5 signs of you’re with a sex addict.
What are the 5 signs you’re with a sex addict?
1. Sex rules their life. One of the first things that you can tell if you’re living with or dating somebody who’s a sex addict is that sex dominates the individual’s life to the point that they’ll exclude other activities.
We’ll take sex all the time, any time—birthday parties, meeting up with family, whatever. If it’s not sex-related, it takes a back seat. So sex dominates that person’s life.
2. They feed their addiction. The person’s going to engage in phone sex, sexting, computer sex, prostitutes, pornography, whatever it takes to feed that addiction.
I mean, you’re going to notice that if the person you’re with has porn on non-stop or if you open up their phone or wonder what they’re doing and you look over and they’re watching porn. It probably might be that they have a sex addiction. It’s a reality of life. Talking to them and asking for help is really the first step.
3. Track record of multiple short relationships. They probably have leapfrogged through multiple relationships where their partner has left them because, let’s face it, when somebody is a sex addict, there’s only so much that you can take, there’s a point where you’ve had enough. And if the person doesn’t want help, you’re probably going to end up leaving.
So if somebody has a track record of dating multiple people who’ve ended up leaving after very short periods of time, and it’s always the other person’s fault, and never their fault, it may be that you have a sex addiction problem. If you notice these trends, you have to talk to them about it and you have to figure out what you want out of life because it’s something that you will take a back seat to, especially if the person doesn’t get any kind of help.
4. Habitual masturbation. Another sign is that the person habitually masturbates. I mean, if they’re on the bathroom for four, five, six hours a day, they’re probably not in there going to the bathroom; otherwise, they need to go get their colon checked out. Odds are that they’re probably looking at porn. That’s the reality of it.
And it doesn’t matter if you’re home or not. They’re going to find a way to go do it, whether they wake up in the middle of the night, go to bed later than you do, whatever it might be. That person’s going to work to make a schedule around habitually masturbating. That’s the reality of sex addiction.
5. Multiple partners, cheating on partners. If the person has multiple sex partners, and if they’ve cheated on all their partners, that’s typically a sign of a sex addict because one partner isn’t necessarily satisfying enough. They don’t know how to express what they enjoy or what they like because it’s kind of like their own little addiction that nobody else understands and they’ll say, “This it why I do it, to help self-maintain in this area of my life.” But remember that addicts will come up with all kinds of excuses.
Addicts will even talk about cheating on their partners as a sign of a sex addict because they’re trying to almost groom up a partner to understand that they have an addiction issue even though they don’t quite fully realize what they’re doing.
The reality of sex addiction
That’s the reality of sex addiction because it’s that dominating in our lives, and sometimes we don’t realize it. If you’re going through this, if you’re seeing these 5 signs that you’re with a sex addict, my heart goes out to you because I’ve been there. I mean, I am one of those and it took me a long time to realize it and readjust everything and to come to terms and make amends and to really work through things because it is a challenge.
It’s something that, as guys, we’re not proud to admit. We really aren’t. There’s a lot of stigma that goes along with this and it’s something that’s very difficult to talk about, but it’s something that does need to be talked about because it affects so many different things in the way of your relationships, in your head, where you are at mental-wise, you know … I mean, if you have BPD or some of these other illnesses and you’re dating a sex addict, it’s going to throw those spikes a lot higher than what they normally are, so I get that struggle.
Addicts will come up with all these different excuses and it’s very, very hard to get them to open up and share about the different things that they’re going through. So these are really the signs that if you’re in a relationship that somebody has a sex addiction problem. These are the five probably biggest signs.
What to do?
If you’re in one of these relationships, you know, walk away. You definitely need to walk away. Take care of you because you’re more important than any relationship.
Another one is if you’re a sex addict, there’s SLAA out there, there’s Sexaholics Anonymous that you can go to. Get help, get a sponsor. Start getting accountable. Start making amends. Start working through what it is that you’re going through that has created this monster for you because there is nothing worse than addiction.